Alongside Amy Schumer
Last year Amy Schumer almost drove the Internet into convulsions when she casually noted at the Glamour U.K. Women of the Year ceremony "I'm probably, like, 160 pounds right now and I can catch a dick whenever I want." While the moment was noteworthy simply for a woman owning her sexuality in such a forthright manner - does anyone really think she was kidding? - what actually drove social media mad is that a woman dared to reveal how much she weighs. And not a supermodel skinny woman, either. A woman with actual pockets of flesh on her body. Maybe even stretch marks and cellulite, too.
God, I love Amy Schumer. I love Amy Schumer so much that when T told me after we watched "Trainwreck" that I reminded him of her I thought it was a compliment. It was only following our breakup that I realized in retrospect it was almost assuredly not. The same way it wasn't a compliment when he said that I reminded him of Scarlett O'Hara. I thought that was a compliment at the time, too, because I've never bothered to watch "Gone With the Wind," so until some friends clued me in I didn't realize Scarlett is what you could call willful. A bitch, if you want to use hate-speak.
Anyway, I weigh 174 pounds, give or take. There, I said it. I'm 5'9" and I'm big, with long, long legs and gorilla-length arms and broad shoulders a hefty ass. My dear Thomas in Ireland, the man T wooed me away from, once said as he walked behind me, both of us disabled with drink at the time and nearly falling out of the pub door, "Ach, would you look at the size of ye, girl! Your shoulders are as wide as mine." (They weren't, but I felt a momentary weird pride at the suggestion.)
I've - I guess confess is the right word? - I've confessed how much I weigh because I promised rigorous honesty and I plan to keep you updated on my weight loss as I continue to train for my big climbs next year. Also because I find myself becoming increasingly sick of fretting about what people, men to be specific, think of me. For most of my life I've obsessed about my weight. My father, who I love with all my heart, unwittingly drilled it into my psyche early on that looks are all that really matter when it comes to women by only talking about looks when it came to women. I've long suspected that no matter how smart, funny, kind, talented, etc. etc. I am, if I'm not pretty none of that actually matters. And in our society pretty women don't typically weigh 174 pounds. Or even 160.
Except they do, don't they? Amy Schumer is glorious, pudge and all. And after spending some quality time peering at those photos Tamar London took of me, I think I look swell too, pudge and all.
Don't agree? That's okay. I can catch a dick whenever I want.
8/7/2016 09:28:53 am
Omg, I love ye with all me heart 🍀
8/7/2016 09:29:27 am
[WILD APPLAUSE AND UNABASHED CHEERING!!!!]
8/7/2016 09:30:49 am
8/7/2016 09:58:27 am
8/7/2016 10:53:13 am
8/7/2016 10:56:06 am
Yes! Go climb that f*#!ing mountain. Thanks for taking us along.
8/7/2016 11:40:30 am
Nice keep up the awesome attitude
8/7/2016 01:49:59 pm
8/7/2016 06:10:17 pm
Wow..we have the same Dad...and the same psyche that needs major adjustment too. From 16 to 58 I've weighed in a range of 165-285 and come to think of had no problem catching a Dick either! Kinda horrified that was in the top 3 of importance in my life. Rock on redheads are more fun & I'll be watching u 😄
8/7/2016 06:12:56 pm
At approaching 50 myself (one month from today!), it took me well into my 40s to come to the conclusion that MOST men are afraid of truly strong, independent women. They say they aren't; they claim that's what they want, they claim they admire it. But after I-don't-want-to-admit how many relationships, I can tell you that 90% of the time that's bullshit. 9 out of 10 men are afraid of it. Exactly what you're talking about - comparing you to strong, willful, independent women such as Schumer or O'Hara - and it's definitely not a compliment (from them, what they mean). Now, I would run, run, run as fast as possible from a man like that. If they are threatened by it, they don't deserve to have those kinds of women - those like you and me. Like Sheryl Crow said, "Are you strong enough to be my man?"
8/8/2016 10:14:45 am
Right on! Great lyrical quote--perfect!!
4/6/2017 11:39:42 pm
I am still here and I am forever yours.
8/7/2016 10:02:47 pm
I hate that the world thinks Amy Schumer is fat (pudgy). 160 lbs (and 174 lbs) is a normal weight for a non model, actor, person paid for their appearance. Amy S. is beautiful. And so are you. Your gorgeous hair, great smile and that cute little nose-you are stunning! Forget anyone that thinks otherwise. Pretty women DO weigh 174.
11/17/2016 06:31:47 am
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Jill Gleeson is a journalist based in the hills of western Pennsylvania. She is a current contributor to The Pioneer Woman, Country Living, Group Travel Leader, Select Traveler, Going on Faith, Wander With Wonder, Enchanted Living and State College Magazine, where her column, Rebooted, is featured monthly. Other clients have included